Happy Belated Birthday Jesus!

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Play that funky music... white boy!

My ears are currently bleeding as Mike Ness (of Social Distortion) and Halloran (FM 94.9 DJ) converse on air... and say nothing but bullshit, as usual.

*groan*

Just play some fucking music already!

All I want for Kwanzaa...

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I'm all ready to have my stocking stuffed!

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Mary FUCKING Christmas

See what happens when you are naughty...

Now that is my kind of Christmas.

From Squeaky to Puta to Peaches to John

I am recovering from another extremely entertaining and spectacular weekend in Los Angeles. Timofy and Woods made great company as we hit up WigOut at MBar, Doughboys, Melrose Avenue (for some shopping, of course), A John Water’s Christmas with Peaches at UCLA, Hot Dog at Club 7969 and Eat Well.

The highlight of my weekend was drenching my favorite Hot Dog Go Go Dancer with dollar bills... which led to him grabbing the back of my head and “forcing” my face into the front of his jockstap. This didn't just happen once, but twice! I did my best both times to grab a mouthful of his man meat – I did alright... 2d2f basically. Each time I was “bobbing for apples”, he would bend me over and spank my ass. Now, I am not one for spankings, but I felt I would have done anything he asked. I was in hog heaven... and I was craving more. *oink*

Wigout on Friday was a blast – as usual. Timofy and Miss A finally got to meet the incredible Squeaky Blonde. I had the pleasure of talking to the fantastic Putanesca for a while after the show – she probably thought I was some insane Hispanic groupie who had a bit too much to drink... all thanks to my ideas for Death Drag. Puta and Squeaky both introduced me to the legendary The Steve Lady who fiercely wore a surgeon’s mask. Timofy, Miss A, Martin, Martin’s friend, Woods and I ended up at Hollywood Thai Karaoke until 3am with a mouthful of Tiger Cry and Shrimp Fried Rice – which was fucking hot as hell. I think I’ll skip that dish the next time I eat there.

And if you get a chance to see A John Water’s Christmas, please do so. John is a complete genius and the king, and queen, of trash! A true original. Mink Stole & Bruce Vilanch (sans beard) were comfortably seated in the almost full auditorium. Electro rawker Peaches opened up the night with a phenomenally raunchy set which left most of the seated audience speechless. Of course, Woods, Timofy and I enjoyed every filthy minute of it.

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Squeaky Blonde smashes it up with Timofy, Miss A and Whip.

Devilishly grinning Woods grabs himself an arm full of the fabulously wicked Putanesca.

The end of Fade-DRA's holiday inspired performance... which included snow flurrying around, chugging Jack Daniels, throwing a cell phone into the audience, slitting wrists, bleeding over a picture of Jesus and collapsing dead – just what this season is all about.

The amazing Steve Lady.

Jack & Coke loving Squeaky and Woods lounging after the show.

Timofy getting a lick full of Miss A's cocoa butter.

Miss A showing off her latest Baker's discovery.

If you plan to go in, leave behind a trail of crumbs so you can find your way out.

TfuckingGIF

The weekend is finally here! I made it through 13 days of work without killing anyone. Whew. I thought I would start my Friday night with a hard on... all thanks to:


Is she not insanely hot?! Damn. I have been in love with Rose McGowan for years! I would totally go hetero for her. *wipes drool from chin*

Anyway, if any of you bitches are up in the Hollyweird area tonight, make sure you get your cheap asses over to WigOut at MBar. It should be one hell of a time. Performances by SF's own Putanesca & Mercy Fuque, Silverlake's Squeaky Blonde & Fade-DRA, and WigOut creator Jean Natalia.

I haven't gone postal yet!

My 9th work day in a row and the music keeping me in one piece today is...

“Why Don’t You Come Over” by Garbage (which has been my workout song du jour)
“Chips On My Shoulder” by Ganymede
“Happy Home” by Garbage
“I Gotta Know” by Nikka Costa
“I Drive Alone” by Esthero
“Action Radar” by Prodigy (my Death Drag tune)
“Juicy Gotcha Krazy” by Oaktowns 3.5.7. (some old shit for yo’ ass)
“Cars With The Boom” by L’Trimm (the original Avenue D)
“Mysteriosa” by The Transatlantins
“I Wanna Thank Ya (Hex/Mac Maximum Room Mix)” by Angie Stone
“Bucci Bag (Larry Tee’s Electroclash Mix)” by Andrea Doria
“Passenger (Steve Porter Remix)” by Ballroom
“Dumb (Kardinal Beats Remix)” by The 411
“Bad Girl” by James Hardway with Amanda Ghost & Boy George
“The Sound Of Violence (Narcotic Thrust Mix)” by Cassius
"Into The Void" by Nine Inch Nails
“Go Steady” by Da Band
“The 15th (Felix Da Housecat Vocal Mix)” by Fischerspooner

Peaches Christ, I really need to update my iPod.

Whip's Stoli free weekend

Today is my 8th consecutive day that I am in the office working. I really can’t complain since I’m getting paid overtime, and lord knows I need the cash right now. Luckily the past two days have provide some release from the stress produced by The Client. Here are some of my discoveries from this past weekend...


“Chicken Little” is an instant classic due to the fact that:
1. Runt Of The Litter is a big homo
2. Butch lesbo bitch Foxy Loxy looks like a tranny
3. Fish Out Of Water is one bad muthafucka
4. Abby Mallard, a.k.a “Ugly Duckling” has the hots for Chicken Little

Three of my favorite tunes at Jackie Beat’s “The Holiday Ho”:
1. Jingle Bell Cock
2. The Sleeping With A Married Man Holiday Song
3. Christmas Whore Medley

People I saw in the audience howling during Jackie’s obscenely hilarious show:
1. Craig Chester
2. Mink Stole
3. Some other celebrity I couldn’t name

People I saw entering Jackie’s late show:
1. Chi Chi LaRue (out of drag)
2. Squeaky Blonde (in boy mode)
3. Selene Luna


Ballentine rocked thanks to:
1. Heather (smokin’ hot & fucking sweet as hell – makes me wish I was a hetero)
2. Frank (a bassist... ‘nuff said)
3. Ben (love that hair)
4. Jeremy (those arms!)
5. Vassil (*drool* I hope he is the “bi” one that Heather talked about)

Three things I learned last night:
1. Patron makes normally quiet people lose their shit
2. Aussie women look like dykes
3. When Jackie Beat has two shows in one night, always go to the later one

"Got something better than Sushi"

Here is my life the past couple of days...

It’s Tuesday evening and I’m working in the office spending time on, yet another, issue dealt to me by The Client’s DingBat. FM949 is blaring on my desk radio. DJ Anya mentions Princess Superstar is performing tomorrow at The Casbah. I nearly fall off my seat from the announcement. Wha wha wha what?! How could I let this slip through my radar? When I, finally, get home, I tell Woods the news. We make plans to attend.

Wednesday morning and I’m working on more issues handed over to me thanks to DingBat. The day seems to fly by. I frantically try to get the hell out of the office at a decent hour so I would have enough time to get home, head to the gym, shower, eat and trail over to the show. Of course that didn’t happen. I got out late, missed the gym, showered at home, ate quickly, and sped to the venue. Luckily, Woods and I got there with time to spare. Whew.

The show was amazing, and as an added bonus, very intimate. P.Sup really put on the theatrics with video, costume changes, cameo’d dancer, accessories and a backup band consisting of a guitarist, drummer & DJ. One of my favorite numbers was the interlude “Sex, Drugs & Drugs”. Princess snaked all over the stage “snorting coke” and ended up pelting the audience with pills which were quite hard since I got hit on my right shoulder with one. During another song, you totally got the live show feel when Superstar tried to put the microphone back on the stand, but instead it fell straight to the floor. At that point, it no longer worked so she just laughed off the verse and located a new one. She truly looked like she was having a good time – which was cool since the gays in the crowd were fucking loving it and sending the energy right back up there. After the show, she placed herself in the patio to sell some merchandise while the fags just fawned over her.


Check out PS if she comes to your town, or at the very least give “My Machine” a listen. You can access all of that info at www.princesssuperstar.com.

Next up on my live show schedule: Jackie Beat is the Holiday Ho, Bauhaus and A John Water’s Christmas with Peaches. Oh yea.

It’s a brand new day in the hood!

I’m back in tip top shape today. I had a good night’s sleep and feel completely refreshed this afternoon. Of course I started the morning with a Coke Slurpee from 7-11 which always makes me perky. Well, my post from Monday created quite a stir, but what’s life without a little controversy, right? I can report that a handful were offended, others were concerned, and some were downright pissed. When it comes down to it, I was just honestly expressing how I felt about my friendship situation. To defend myself, I do keep my word when it comes to hanging out and I always do my best to invite my friends (and even some acquaintances) to the insane events I go to. There’s nothing in the world that makes me happier then having my friends around when I attend these crazy parties, plays, whatever. As far as I could remember, I’ve had a reputation for being a good friend. *strokes ego* On the flip side, I was also know for being naïve. I always take what someone tells me as just that. I'm not great at reading between the lines. If someone doesn’t want me to contact them, then they should just say so. No feelings hurt. I would rather someone be upfront and tell me they think I'm a dumbass then continue to believe they want to associate with me, y'know?

Anyhoo, I have located some of the pictures from my Thanksgiving holiday down in Tucson. Thanks Woods. I have posted just a few of the pics – for the moment. As you will be able to see, my sister Mandah is just as demented as her big brother.

The Lopenski dorks Whiplash and Mandah chilling at Mig & Rog's Casa de Sexo!

Mandah tries on Stella's fake boobs and immediately wants a pair.

Lopenski's blood cousin the flirty BPuta, who is already stacked, tries Stella's tetas on for size. Peaches Christ! Those things make MY back ache!

Mandah serves 'em up.

Mandah and BPuta all hugs with my brother's main squeeze D.

The Tucson poster girl for Alcoholics Anonymous Reg molesting hoochie ass Mandah on Gay 4th.

The IBTs Sidewalk Sale Crew.

Momma always said I had the best taste in friends...

I’m done.

It’s official.

I am completely tired of the heap of flaming shit that is left of my doorstep on a daily basis. Not literally, mind you.

As many of you have noticed, the past few weeks have been a roller coaster of mood swings for me – happy one minute, angry the next, sad a moment later. I have been deep in meditation for a while dissecting my thoughts trying to pin point the problem. My initial theory for my emotional lashes was due to my fears of getting older since my birthday was around the corner. Please, that wasn’t it – I know I will always be a 12 year old at heart. I then guessed it was from me not getting laid enough. Nope, check again – I get ass a plenty. Then all of a sudden it became clear to me on my drive home after work last night – the source of my depression is due to the fact that I have no real friends here in San Diego. The majority of people who associate with me and claim “friendship” status are bullshitters extraordinaires. I am fed up with people who make plans with me and cancel or never show up... people who say "I totally want to do that", but can’t because of funds, but they are clubbing it just about every weekend spending money that is supposedly non-existent... people who were friends with both Timofy and I, and now will no longer contact me for whatever reason they have – as one person I saw out at a bar recently told me “well, I didn’t invite you because I invited Tim” – typical social crap after a break up. I really cannot wait until I move out of here and start all over again. I will be in a new city, with new people, making friends that will meet Whip, not Whip who has a boyfriend. Being in a relationship and making friends can be tricky. People love playing sides, but their true colors show through eventually. Now I know not to waste my time with these fools any longer. My energy will be focused on what is important to me – continuing to explore my connection with Woods, working things out with Timofy, and keeping close contact with my real friends and family. I am very fortunate to have the friends I do... even when they are 415 some odd miles away.

Music helping me out of my funk and shooting me back into original “Whiplash Lopenski” mode: “Pot Of Gold” by Juliet.

Pope Whiplash and the World AIDS Day blabfest

Within the past few years, I have dramatically changed my views on religion. To give you some background on me, I grew up in a typical Hispanic family that “practiced” the Catholic religion. I use the term “practiced” loosely. My mom and dad were not extremely stern about attending service on a regular basis. I used to call ourselves the “Holiday Church Goers”. Y’all know what I referring to... the kind that only attends on the “special days” like Christmas, Good Friday, and Easter or when a cousin was passing the obstacles of the what I like to call the Catholic Olympics – Baptism, Holy Communion, Confirmation and so on. When I was young, I never really complained about going because every time we went to the San Xavier Mission for an 11am mass, I got to eat at one of the many Indian food stands. Damn, now I’m craving a Popover with Beans. Anyway, as I got older, I had a hard time sitting through hour long speeches about “helping your neighbor”.

After my mom and dad divorced when I was in high school, my mom got some shit from the church since she was now a divorcee while my dad went on to get re-married with no opposition. That plus all of the things my Nana had experienced within the last five years, didn’t rack up any Brownie Points from me for the church. At some point after 2001, I really started to test my faith and made me question “is there a God?” After years of reflection, I can say that I am no longer a religious person. On the flip side, I am a traditional family person, to a point – as many Hispanics are. I have certain religious trinkets that were given to me by family members and things I do when I’m driving (sign of the cross when I see someone on the side of the road – thank my Nana for that) that are very dear to me, but it is completely for my family’s sake. I love my family more than anything so something like that is more personal than religious, if that makes any sense.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that anyone who does not think like I is an idiot for following what they choose to follow because I am a firm believer in “to each his own”. If it makes you happy, then great, go for it. I just have yet to find anyone who is so dedicated and deep into it that doesn’t come across as a pushy psycho or some shady pig fucker. I like how Sarah Silverman breaks it down and makes it sound, oh so silly... Jesus Is Magic. Go see the movie to find out why. Ok, I know have gone off the deep end on this subject. I could go on and on about this all day long, but I’ll shut my trap. The reasoning behind this rambling was due to some articles I read about the Vatican and World AIDS Day – which was yesterday for those that did not know. After reading a few of them, I was disgusted by the Vatican’s thoughts on prevention – which is basically null. But you know what...

Fuck the Pope.

Fuck the Vatican.

And fuck Es Spicy Hilton for wearing that Red Ribbon at her book signing yesterday. *vomit*

***image borrowed from www.perezhilton.com

Have any of you noticed how much Perez gushes over Paris now that he has met her?! *erk*

Well, the music on my iPod keeping me, somewhat, sane at work this afternoon: “Voyeur” by Kelli Ali and “Metal Heart” by Garbage.

If any of you ladies are in the Los Angeles area this evening, you can catch me slutting it up for my birthday at Miss Kitty’s “Kinky Cops & Dirty Robbers” at the Dragonfly. Check out Miss Kitty’s website for more info: www.misskittysparlour.com