Lovely Thursday Randomness

Why am I not surprised?

My life is rated NC-17!



Your life is rated NC-17!

What is your life rated? (MPAA Scale)
At least the weekend brings promising movies filled with sleaze, gore, and those “gays”...

It looks like Fez is doing some jaw flappin'... and apparently, homeboy is packing some meat...

Valderrama Spills Hollywood Sex Secrets
That '70s Show star Wilmer Valderrama spilled all regarding his Hollywood conquests during an appearance on shock jock Howard Stern's morning radio program yesterday. Among his revelations were that Lindsay Lohan was one of the best girl's he's ever had slept with, Ashlee Simpson was loud in bed and he rated Jennifer Love Hewitt an "eight" out of ten when it came to sex. The actor talked about his sexual prowess in detail, claiming that he has been with two women at once and also engaged in anal sex with a famous actress, who he refused to name. The star discussed dating singer/actress Mandy Moore, whom he met when she guest starred on his hit show, saying they were each other's "first loves." Valderrama claims he is "blessed" when it comes to penis size, clocking in at "slightly bigger" than eight inches. He also revealed that he has videotaped his sexual escapades on numerous occasions, but erased the tapes to keep them from being linked on the internet.

The Case of the Plastered Bastard – Part Two

I’m constantly being surrounded by intoxicated individuals! Or so it seems.

Last night at the “alcohol free” The Strokes show at UCSD’s Rimac Arena, a drunken female, smelling of vomit, made her way through the crowd dancing around like a cracked out monkey, leaning on random individuals, and speaking in tongues. The bitch was barely able to stand up. The most fucked up part, well at least on her end anyway, was that the friends she came with abruptly ditched her ass – which led her to wonder alone through the sea of stage diving college students.

Learn to handle your drinks ladies, or stay away from the bar. Or lack thereof.

The Case of the Plastered Bastard

I attended The Pretenders concert last night at the House Of Blues. The audience was filled with grey-haired hipsters, La Jolla Boxtox tragedies, and wildly trashed horny white women. This was all due to two things: The Pretenders obviously attracted an older group of music lovers, and the venue was restricted to twenty-one and over only. I was extremely happy that I could enjoy a cold Coors Light on the main floor while watching Chrissie Hynde strut around on stage.

All was going well until this piece of a drunken mess, I dubbed Fat Turd, started some bull with Woods and the people around us. He was purposely singing loudly in Woods’ ear, bumping into peeps with his grotesque beer belly, talking smack, being difficult with security, spilling a smelly margarita all over Woods’ jeans, and providing witty comebacks such as “tough shit”. This man was a class act – especially with the fashionable football jersey, dingy blue jeans, and white sneakers he was wearing. That outfit made him look like a big maroon and yellow balloon. Completely snazzy.

I ignored most of his actions, but at some point he started to irritate me. Maybe it was because he didn’t apologize for dropping that frou-frou cocktail all over Woods and the floor – which at that time had become a puddle that I was standing in (my Cons and the bottoms of my jeans were soaked). I had enough of his bullying, so I began to call him on his shit. He told me that it was none of my business, but the ‘spanic fag in me kicked in and I had to correct him that it was indeed my business. A few heated words were exchanged, and once the vocal level was elevated, his wife got involved. She agreed with me that he was rude and scolded him right in front of everyone. He was knocked down a peg or two, so he backed off. She made him apologize to Woods and myself. He said “sorry”, as well as shaking our hands confirming that “we” were “cool”, but I knew right there that he had no balls what-so-ever. Well, if he did, they were in his wife’s purse.

I do have to give the Fat Turd credit for coming up with one great line. During one of his intoxicated threats to Woods, he leaned over to him and said:

“If you weren’t with your life partner, I would mess you up right now”

LOL – fucking genius.

Fat Cow

I feel like a total lard ass right now. K.Sum and I, literally, rolled in from lunch. K.Sum convinced me to go to Pizza Slut and indulge in their All You Can Eat Lunchtime Buffet. I had numerous slices of pizza, plates of pasta and salad, and a cinnamon breadstick. Can you imagine all of this for only five dollars and fifty cents?! Oh, you can count on this cheap ho going back. Altho, next time I will be taking a bib.

*burp*

Much amusing

I find entertainment in people who meddle in other people’s business. Then have the audacity to comment about it. And then manipulate the situation in order to “prove a point” which would only benefit their evil little agenda. All while the whole time they are being “your friend”. Lovely, isn’t it?

I have some Morningwood for you

Morningwood has won the title of “Best Live Band In The World” – in my opinion at least. They blew the roof off that motherfuckin’ House Of Blues. Chantal is a total wild woman. I seriously want to have her child. How can you not love a woman who says “your mom’s big fucking vagina”, or jumps into the crowd so they can manhandle her breasts, or slaps half naked boys on the stage, or talks shit to the security & management in the middle of a song? There is no one like her... no one! I do have to say that her best quote of the night was “Riot Girls? I hate that term. That is a term for girls who don’t fuck boys”. Hells yea.

The Sounds pulled in a great show, surprisingly. I was very pleased by Maja & the boys. It looked as if she was channeling Terri Nunn with her pale skin, blonde flipped feathered hair, black top, black shorts, and heels. Maja did officially win me over about 45 minutes into the concert when she dropped her microphone during a song and stage dove head first into the crowd. Those lucky bastards in the front row! The boys in the band were definitely something to look at that... especially the two skinny boys that Woods was drooling over. Fancy a little Swede eh? From the looks of it, a “little” would be an understatement. Growl. When their set ended, I had this uncontrollable desire to go shopping at IKEA. Damn those Swedes!

The only thing that sucked at the HOB was the “twenty one and over” area – which was directly behind the “roped” off VIP section. All tho during Morningwood everyone in that section remained seated. But once The Sounds started, all the drunken bitches stood up dancing around. That ruined the pretty clear view I had of the stage... along with everyone else’s who was crammed up there drinking. We were not happy campers. In order to better our view, Woods decided to throw ice, limes, and crumpled napkins at them in order to get them to sit down. A few other people around him started to throw various items at them as well until the nice female security guard came by and asked Woods to stop or he would be thrown out. Of course Woods stopped... as did everyone else, but that didn’t change the fact that we were all irritated. At that point, Woods and I decided to head down to the “all ages area”. Luckily, we were able to find a nice space in the back with a clear view.

After the show, I convinced Woods to head over to Numbers, err, I mean The Flame. Honestly, I can’t tell them apart anymore. They both look the same inside! Seriously. And what is with that VIP section? For five bucks more, I can listen to dance music. Huh? At least the drinks were semi-good. After Numbers, damn it, I mean The Flame, we hit up Rich’s which was equally lame. Yawn. The highlight of the late night festivities was the Rolled Potato Tacos. Welcome to gay nightlife in San Diego.

Oh the horror of Numbers, shit, I mean The Flame!

Nothing like a little lick to spark up the evening.

The TGIF – Tranny, Gay, It’s Showtime, Family

Tranny:

Mark your calendars bitches.

Now only if I can lure Stella’s ass over to LA for this weekend. *ponders*

Gay:

It has been brought to my attention that a certain bit of information in my post yesterday was incorrect. The “G” in “FYI GWM” actually means “gay” – which is actually more appropriate for California. Back in Tucson, the personal ads I would scan have the “G” and/or “GL” as good-looking, so when I saw that yesterday morning, I immediately thought of good-looking. Good-looking or gay, it’s still a tacky piece of shit for a license plate.

It’s Showtime:

I’m extremely excited for the Morningwood & The Sounds concert at the House Of Blues this evening. I’ve had this itch to see both bands in the flesh for some time now. I’ve read that Morningwood always delivers an amazing live show. I actually got a glimpse of what kind of shenanigans they get into when I saw them for a quick moment at last summer's Street Scene. As far as The Sounds go, their tune “Song With A Mission” has been stuck on repeat in Betina’s CD deck since this morning. It’s quite embarrassing really. Oh well, I know I will have a great time no matter how good or bad the show is – or shall I say, even with the fact that I will have to make my way through that horrendous and, I’m sure, overly crowded “twenty-one and over” section for a frickin’ beer. Yuk-o.

Family:

Last year at this time I was talking to my mom via phone at least four times a week. Now, I barely talk to her four times a month. I had gotten an e-mail from her this morning that was a bit depressing, but a very practical one at that. There are a few legal matters she wants to clear up between her, my siblings and myself. This should be quite tricky because my younger brother and her are no longer on speaking terms and my pregnant sister isn’t taking life seriously right now so who knows if she will even be mature enough to handle this situation. All of this made me a bit worried, so I called her this afternoon to discuss a few things. It was nice talking to her again and hearing the fire in her voice when she gets passionate about something. I listened to her, caught up on her health status, gave her some advice and eventually made plans for her to visit me here in San Diego. I won’t be getting my hopes up, but it would be cool if this chat was a beginning step on getting our relationship back to where it was.

Oh, no he didn’t!

I know a thing or two about tacky. Shit, at times you would even think I invented that word, but as of today, tacky was taken up a notch. And not by me either!

On my commute to the office this morning, I laid my eyes on the most pompous license plate ever! The minute I saw this thing, I wanted to pull the driver over, drag him out of the car and slap the crap out of him. I knew that wasn’t a real option, so I decided that I would take a picture, but damn the devil!, I didn’t have the cam with me. Oh well, the next best thing I could do would be to blog about it.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me present to you the most arrogant license plate in all of California...



*drumroll*



FYI GWM



Translation: For Your Information Good-looking White Male

If you know this guy, do me a favor, and kick him in the ass for me. Thanks.

Fawn Do You?

Last night was the much anticipated “Fondue Night” at Casa Norte. Wine poured, cheese bubbled, and conversation ruled the table! Fondue virgins AP and Whip basked in the yumminess of the meat filet and shrimp, while MJ, Den, M.Fay, and K.Sum loved every inch of the bread and veggies – all supplied by the master chef Woods. Answer Me Jesus blessed the festivities while Depeche Mode & Siouxsie tip toed in the background. A decadent Carmel, Berry & Vanilla dessert was definitely not turned away... even with full belly. The only person not to be found was A.Bai who was sadly nursing an un-glamorous virus that seems to be going around.

Now speaking of being under the weather, last night I discovered that three Stoli induced Bloody Marys do a body good... especially when you are tackling any type of congestion or such. That plus soulful house music and a generous amount of sleep definitely helps in any sickly styled situation.

MJ and Den take a load off with a nice glass of wine.

K.Sum and M.Fay caught in mid-speak!

Le Chef Woods preparing the relocation of the tasty cheese fondue.

The fabulous Fondue set up.

K.Sum looking mesmerized by the conversation.

Whipdork with the holy Answer Me Jesus who presided over the feast.

K.Sum thanks Woods for the grub – with a little lip service.

M.Fay in a post dinner deep thought.

Den surrounded by an Apple mouthed MJ & a tongue friendly K.Sum.

Woods turning away from the camera in an attempt to look shy.

AP kicking it with her glass of wine after the meal.

K.Sum gives Woods a hand with dessert.

Whipnerd snaps a pic with the lovely AP.

It’s all love between Den, MJ, and K.Sum.

The remaining portion of fresh meat that was saved for Raya.

The bestest Fondue dinner guests (and host) ever!

Whipdrunk finishing up his third Bloody Mary.

The gory aftermath.

Joto ojos.

A small slice of happiness

Sometimes the littlest things can put a smile my face... like spotting an interracial couple kissing, or getting my balls licked by a really hot guy.

But today, the thing that is putting a big smile on my face... not having to see & deal with that outrageous and incredibly annoying East County Fag.

Hallelujah!

Color me a slut!

I popped my gym sex cherry last night.

Wait.

I’ve had sex numerous times at a gym before, so that’s wrong. Altho, those times before were with people that I knew. I think I need to rephrase the cherry that I’m talking about.



*thinks*



Ok, I got it now...

I popped my “while in the men’s locker room at the gym being cruised by a complete stranger who had finished his shower and was walking out of the shower area while I got into a shower stall for a post-workout clean up, only to have the stranger mysteriously return moments later to get into the stall directly across from mine, where he showed off his erect manhood via peek-a-boo shower curtain trickery which lead me to invited him over to my stall for a grope and stroke session that lasted a few minutes until we got off” cherry last night.

Extreme Makeover: The Cannibalistic Mutants In The New Mexico Hills Edition

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I have just returned from a late night screening of Alexandre Aja’s exceptional redeux of Wes Craven’s “The Hills Have Eyes”. I have to say that the film was very entertaining, as well as educational. I know you are probably asking yourself... what in the hell did this fool learn from this movie?! Well, let me share the following information that was taught to me by this brutal piece of cinema:

01. Never take driving directions from an old creepy Gas Station attendant who smokes while he pumps your gas
02. Never take any type of “short cut” in order to shave off a few hours of driving time
03. Dogs rule! ...except when they are slaughtered and eaten by cannibals
04. Cannibals love meat (whether it’s from a dog’s leg, a woman’s stomach, or a crying infant)
05. Mutants come in all shapes, sizes and age
06. Bald mutants love Divorce Court
07. Big headed mutants in wheel chairs talk a lot of shit
08. Not all mutants are evil... especially the youngens
09. You don’t need all of your fingers to viciously plant a pickaxe into someone’s skull
10. Nuclear testing was just down right bad

Reminiscing

A memory that I treasure...

Fawning and slobbering over a real nice piece of man-meat that belonged to this short muscular dude I couldn’t stand (and still can’t)... in a dark laundry room at a well known apartment complex very late at night.

Good times indeed.

Argh!

My legs are in full ache mode today. I can definitely blame my decision to wear my flat foot Converse and shaking my ass for over an hour non-stop on a concrete dance floor.

I'm in desperate need of a Stoli Bloody Mary right now.

You can never get enough Ooh La La

Allison and Will delivered the goods last night with an live performance that included dramatic lighting, go go dancers wearing binikis & wolf masks, and a glass of Sherry.

I had been worried all Saturday morning that the tickets I purchased through eBay would not make it in time for our early evening departure. During a mid-afternoon snogging session, I heard the Postman, oops, I mean Postperson shove a bunch of mail through the glory hole, oops again, I mean mail slot. I immediately pulled the dick out of my mouth and scooted over to see if the “package” was in the stack. To my delight, the first envelope I saw was a big blue one. I ripped it open, pulled the tix out and practically kissed them. I returned to the rod smokin’ seconds later because a good fag never leaves a hard cock unattended... for too long.

Woods and I made it to the Wiltern about 25 minutes before the scheduled start time of nine o’clock. But like any other show, it didn’t start until much later. This left me with some free time in which I planted myself in a good floor level position with an awesome view of the stage, spotted and talked via cellphone to Mnky who was on the mezzanine, used the bathroom three times, eyeballed actress Julie Delpy looking for the VIP section, and shared two quite potent and reasonably priced Stoli & 7's with Woods. My only beef with all of that free time was listening to a queen behind me tell his friend how much She Wants Revenge and The Killers sound the same.

The main event began at ten and lasted about an hour & a half. Allison crooned over the heavy synths provided by Will and band. The dancers slithered all over the stage in various costumes – my favorite being the disco ball themed horse heads during “Ride The White Horse”. The crowd went wild over every single song. It was obvious that the majority of the crowd were real fans. On the way out, I noticed that everyone leaving looked very pleased. And I was no different.

The night continued as Woods and I headed over to Dragstrip66’s “Ali Barbara and The 40 Queens” in Echo Parque... and of course the digital came with us.

A Sioux’d Woods with the grand Mistress of Ceremonies Gina Lotriman.

A very drunk foursome who found their way from the Goldfrapp concert to Dragstrip.

The obligatory Woods and Whip shot... this time accompanied by Siouxsie’s eyes and Juanita MORE’s taco.

The beginning stages of the impromptu tranny showdown on the stage.

The Ali Barbara’d décor ruled over the packed dance floor.

One of the stage trannies purring for the camera.

The wonderful “Barbara Minx” artwork gracing the back wall of the stage.

The bumrush of trannies vying for the attention of the chasers.

Woods with the greatest AliBarbara’d door whore of them all GoGoEddie.

The bubble butt bare ass’d tranny dropping it like it’s hot.

A frosted ass Whip FINALLY getting a picture with a cozy Gina.

Ooh La La

How fucking excited am I?

In less than twenty four hours, I will be laying my eyes upon Miss Allison Goldfrapp & Mister Will Gregory on the stage of the Wiltern as they lace my ears with aural pleasure.

All I got to say is those damn tickets better arrive on time. I hate USPS sometimes.

“I can’t find my pasty, have you seen it?!”

Last Saturday night, I ventured out with Miss A and Woods to check out the debut of Miss Kitty’s new monthly party called DELUXE. The theme for this night was “Dirty Disco”. It was held over in WeHo at The Factory Event Space (a/k/a The Factory Nightclub). I’ve always loved that venue so it was real cool to party in there again. I can safely say that all three of us had a great time.

It appeared as if all of the club land royalty was in attendance – Squeaky Blonde, Chi Chi LaRue (spinning), Miss Kitty, Miss Kitty’s Filthy Family, Fade-DRA, Shokra, Evil eVA... hell, even Cottage Cheese was there. It was real cool to see the variety of different people dancing and drinking. The place was full of trannies, heteros, flamers, muscle dudes, queens, strippers, porn stars... you name it. It was also pretty sweet that the majority of the clubbers were actually dressed for the occasion... or shall I say dressed “lessed”. I saw tits, ass holes, hoo-has, cocks... a few times I saw a hoo-ha and a cock on the same person. Fucking hawt.

I do have to say that the highlight to my evening hit at about 2:45am when Grace Jones’ “Warm Leatherette” purred out of the speakers. I nearly fell over in shock.

We shook our dirty ends until sometime after 3:30am – the place was still pretty full when we left. We then found ourselves at the notorious tranny friendly restaurant The Yukon Mining Co. scarfing down breakfast food while eyeballing the new breasts on a Latina “female” with her Sugar Daddy.

Miss A serves ‘em up as Woods snags some cocktails.

Miss Kitty held a contest in the Ultra Suede portion of the club to determine which bitches were the fiercest of them all. Unfortunately, the KISS quadruplets (Contestants # 2) did not make the final cut.

Woods all tongued out for the badass Squeaky Blonde.

The delicious backside of one of the GoGo Dancers. *slurp*

The amazing twosome – Squeaky Blonde and Fade-DRA.

Afro puffed Whip gettin’ cozy with a tossed up Miss A.

The “Is she or isn’t she?!” tranny porn being plastered on the monitors.

Crazy ho Whip tries to rock out while Miss A is mesmerized by the tranny getting fucked on screen.

Woods prepares to bury his face in, I mean, his dollar bill on the assed out GoGo Dancer.

Squeaky WERKin’ the walkway.

A smokin’ hot real female GoGo Dancer slithering on one of the poles in the main room.

A Dirty Disco party isn’t complete without a DIVA singing Donna Summer’s “Last Dance”.

Woods spreading the love.

The Hollywood Boulevard Demon loves Miss A.

The bitchy and extremely rude fags (there's a story behind that) grind on the dance floor.

A backside shot of the guy Whip was stalking, I mean, admiring.

Whip attempting, yet again, to be all fucking Rock Star.

Pink Hotpants bends over and let’s Hetero Thong Dude freak on those frilly panties.

Whip all mouthed out in what looks like an acid wonderland.

Woods offers up a piece of the “thickness”.

GoGo Tranny showing the rest of the Go Go Bitches how to truly own the platform.

Wannabe butch Whip poses up with Goldy Glownface.

A packed house on the main dancefloor... with a front shot of Whip’s shirtless Eye Candy for the evening.

1970’s inspired Woods let’s Man Whore Whip expose his chest.

Always making friends, Miss A meets Flashy Purple Shirt Dude.

The "I can't find my pasty" Girl attempts to “handle” a very limber Pink Hotpants on the dancefloor.

Miss A preparing herself for her Hustler spread.

The “hooker with no shame” known as Whiplash servicing Woods for breakfast money... in public no less. What a whore!!

Pimp and Ho... Miss A is definitely the pimp in this case.

A shocked Whip being manhandled by Pimpster Woods.