I have just returned from a late night screening of Alexandre Aja’s exceptional redeux of Wes Craven’s “The Hills Have Eyes”. I have to say that the film was very entertaining, as well as educational. I know you are probably asking yourself... what in the hell did this fool learn from this movie?! Well, let me share the following information that was taught to me by this brutal piece of cinema:
01. Never take driving directions from an old creepy Gas Station attendant who smokes while he pumps your gas
02. Never take any type of “short cut” in order to shave off a few hours of driving time
03. Dogs rule! ...except when they are slaughtered and eaten by cannibals
04. Cannibals love meat (whether it’s from a dog’s leg, a woman’s stomach, or a crying infant)
05. Mutants come in all shapes, sizes and age
06. Bald mutants love Divorce Court
07. Big headed mutants in wheel chairs talk a lot of shit
08. Not all mutants are evil... especially the youngens
09. You don’t need all of your fingers to viciously plant a pickaxe into someone’s skull
10. Nuclear testing was just down right bad
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