Put Your Stunna Shades On!

I logged onto to myspace.com this morning to check messages and the first e-mail I see had the following subject line...

update your blog bitch!!

It was no surprise that it was sent to me from the one and only Raya Light. I decided that I best get onto blogspot.com to update the blog due to the fact that I will be seeing her this upcoming week, and I didn’t want to suffer the wrath of an angry Raya!

Miss Light, this is entry is dedicated to you.

Actually, it’s not that I haven’t wanted to update the blog, it’s just I have been so bloody busy with work bullshit. Nothing new really. To be honest, it’s almost like having a dog. The DingBat takes a shit, and I get to clean it up. Well, in terms of audits, reports, data entry – that kind of nonsense. I did try to blog last Wednesday, but fucking blogspot.com was down and I couldn’t do anything. And when I was ready, I was bombarded with order writing crap, and looking up information online. It’s all so exciting! I know you all are just clamoring to have my job. Admit it.

Anyway, the past week and a half have been crazy otherwise. I attended DELUXE with Miss A and Woods on April 1st. I had a good time even tho I bailed on dressing up at the last minute. I had this real sweet idea of going as Starletta Jackson: Intergalactic Police. The theme was Science Fiction, so I thought I would sex it up as a tranny police officer hellbent on ridding of the universe of alien scum. With me having to work in the office during the afternoon, and the fact that I didn’t have enough money to purchase the remaining portions of the outfit, it was cheaper to pay full cover, wear a tie, sit in the shadows to watch Jackie, Squeaky and “I’ll tease you with my ass, but you can’t eat it” Go-Go Dancer do what they do best. I had a good time dancing to the music which was hand selected by none other than the great Lady Kier from Deee-Lite. I almost got star-struck for a moment when she told me I was handsome. *insert the redness of my cheeks*

I do have to say that the highlight to the evening was the incident after DELUXE at a very packed AstroBurger (now dubbed “AttackBurger” by Miss A, Woods and myself) which happened as follows...

-Miss A, Woods and Whip order food, find a nice table in the middle of the restaurant which is close the door that leads to the bathroom area
-Two hetero bitches (real females) on other side of door bathroom entrance decided to talk shit to a group of fags about fake D&G sunglasses (one of the Marys was sporting sunglasses – at 2:42am)
-D&G sunglasses homo & friend (who were sitting across the way from Miss A & company) talk shit back to the hetero girls (“My momma told me...” --- blah blah ---- “so shut the fuck up bitch!”)
-Tempers flare
-A cup of soda (probably Coke) was thrown by the fags at the heteros which hit the ceiling and dripped onto Woods
-Annoyed Woods gets up off his chair and heads to bathroom for a post drip clean up
-Miss A and Whip bask in the drama (and pure ghettoness) of it all
-Straight dude stands up to defend his hetero hoes
-Fags stand up
-Straight dude’s girlfriend mysteriously has the strength of ten men and holds her Gucci wearing metrosexual hetero man back
-D&G sunglasses utters: “Put Your Stunna Shades On” in the most queeny like fashion
-More nasty words exchanged
-D&G sunglasses throw a bottle of ketchup at heteros (incorrectly, mind you, and not very successful at that – the majority of it ended up on the floor behind him)
-Miss A & Whip run into the bathroom area, hide behind door only to look through the small round window making sure not to miss any of the “reality television” action, and to check their clothes for any signs of Heinz splotches
-AttackBurger workers do nothing, even when Miss A asked if they called the police
-Fight never flourishes since the queens end up leaving the building (talking shit with every little step, of course)
-Woods walks out of the bathroom still cleaning his jacket
-D&G sunglasses & buddy strut their way over to his yellow VW Beetle (and leaves two of his other friends behind)
-Straight dude’s girlfriend has a mental breakdown and cries her eyes out
-Hetero bitches who were talking smack sit calmly and eat their meal while ketchup drips down off the window behind them
-All patrons look amused, confused, annoyed and hungry

The whole time this was going on, I had this vision that they would fight, but not with punches and clawing, but in full on “Paris Is Burning” style. You know... like the voguing shit they used to do back in the 90’s. Well, I have seen it recently in clubs, but it was much fiercer back in the day. I could totally picture that D&G sunglasses queen shashing shaunting while uttering “WERK those stunna shades bitch!” to the classic tune “Beat That Bitch With A Bat”. E40 would have totally been proud.

Unfortunately, I didn’t catch any of that bitchfest on film, but I did get some interesting shots from DELUXE...

Welcome to DELUXE.

Whip all bug-eyed on the dance floor.

Miss A and Woods in a generic “singles night” pose.

Little Miss Go-Go Dancer tearing it up in the lounge’s cage.

Boo-ya! Massive dorkus Whip all shocked up with a teethy (and peek-a-boo titty) Miss A.

Woods shows Miss A a little love by sharing his mocktail.

DELUXE’s hostess with the mostest Squeaky Blonde shares the bright eyes with Woodster.

Squeaky shares more of the bright eye goodness with a cautious looking Whip.

Nothing says the party has started better than bubbles!

The incomparable Jackie Beat turns it out with a can of air freshener.

A portion of DELUXE’s exquisite go-go dancers.

The crowd rockin’ to Lady Kier’s sassy beats.

Whip in the middle of a DELUXE photo op that includes Squeaky, Evil eVA, Prince Poppycock, and “Girl In Brown Dress Who Tried to Steal The Show But Failed Miserably”.

More of DELUXE’s eye candy... look, but don’t stick your tongue up there – that lesson was already learned.

The deee-gorgeous Lady Kier takes a moment from manning the decks to take a pic with the (almost star-struck) Whipster.

The Backside Chronicles – Part One: Young Shiny Ass

The end of the “showing penis onstage” fiasco that erupted before Jackie’s “Baby Got Front” number.

Shokra WERKing the fabulous outer space ensemble.

The Backside Chronicles – Part Two: Old Droopy Ass

Miss A in a manwhich with New Friend In Leather Vest and New Friend In Leather Harness.

All smiles for Miss A and her New Friend In Leather Vest.

Even more DELUXE stunning visuals happening over the dancefloor.

The Backside Chronicles – Part Three: Miss A & New Friend In Leather Vest’s booty shaking moves!

“We’re not gonna take it!”