Thirty-two is the new thirty-two

I've decided to kick this funk that I'm in. Main reason: it's not healthy. But there are a bevy of other reasons as to why I want/have/need to get rid of the negative vibes I've been harbouring lately. I've never been one to welcome a state of depression for long periods of time. The last time I felt this way was about 6 years ago during my relationship with Timofy - even tho my feelings of despair felt like an eternity, they were shortly lived. And before that, it was sometime right before I came to terms with my sexuality - again, shortly lived. Each time I emerged from the ashes (so to speak) enormously stronger than I was before.

First way I plan to get myself together is to finally get the house in working order. Nothing paints a more depressing picture than your shit (read: clutter) scattered all over your living quarters. Plain and simple, it's not cute. You can't live in filth. And what would your tricks say when they come in?! The horror.

Secondly, I need to get these damn wisdom teeth extracted. That statement in itself is self explanatory. Only a week and half to go, then they are history!

Thirdly, find stable employment. I would like nothing more than having the typical reason to get up in the morning... to make that cheddar. (I guess I shouldn't use the term "cheddar" as my street cred was revoked the minute I left Tucson's Barrio Central back in 1999.) I do know that having the responsibility of work does make me one happy homo. I don't know why it puts a smile on my face, but it does. And I cannot wait to have that feeling of purpose jumping around in my stomach.

Fourth but not last, explore my dreams by working on plans for the future. Whether it be disciplining myself to do some writing, or taking a class at Los Angeles Community College, I want to improve my surroundings through my own creativity. I want to tackle writing a full screenplay (I have one in mind), creating art via different medias, bringing Toxic Waist out in the nightlife (as well as on stage), checking out the scene in Los Angeles on a regular basis (one of the original reasons I was drawn to LA many moons ago)... so much to accomplish, but I am certain I will and can do it.

So now I am going to look ahead to this journey. I know deep inside that I had to hit the bottom of my emotions in order to realize what I needed and want to do. I can colour myself exciting now, because the world is full of possibilities.