The Silence Of May

The month of May has seemed to fly right past me. I’ve been in another state of limbo the entire 30 days. It’s like I’ve been zombiefied. I feel as if an entity has taken over my entire being – keeping me at a distance, feeling like a lost soul.

Despite this overbearing feeling, I did manage to work on the dining room. I prepped the area, painted the ceiling & walls, and now I will tackle the trim beginning tomorrow. I am quite pleased with my accomplishment, or shall I say my accomplishment so far. The goal is to have the entire room completed by Friday. Fingers crossed.

I’ve had dips in the social arena throughout the month… I ventured to the “Drag Me To Hell” premiere at the Chinese Theater, then went to another free screening of “Drag Me To Hell”… shh, don’t tell Universal!. I also witnessed LadyE’s graduation, finally got to see The Prodigy live (without Psycho – sad face), as well as Lady Sovereign, Ann Magnuson, and skewred the faglets at Long Beach Pride – don’t get me started on that Jazmine Sullivan performance (fucking Hip Hop DJs).

All in all, it was a nice month. I do wish I had been more alert. I guess I can add alertness to the list of things I would like to work on for the month of June. Yay.

Size Triple F

I love me some Dolly Parton. She comes across very sweet and good natured. And she doesn't take herself seriously at all. Especially when it is concerning her well known rack!

And I love me some 9 To 5 - the movie AND the musical. I grew up with the movie, and I saw the musical during it pre-Broadway run here in Los Angeles. Such a homo am I.

Upon my YouTube surfings, I stumbled upon Lady Parton conversing with those hens over at The View (sorry Whoopi & Joy) about the new 9 To 5: The Musical that just hit Broadway. Now if I ever go to New York, I might just see that show again. Homo am I times two.

Thank God It's Friday With Yet Another Issue Regarding Freedom

I've wasted the day today. It's almost 5pm and I haven't done anything considerably productive. I did clean out about 30% of useless crap from one of my Yahoo e-mail accounts which took me about 2.5 hours to complete. I'm quite happy about that doing that. Otherwise I feel I've just completely misused an opportunity to continue one of the projects I was working on yesterday.

I went to bed annoyed last night so I woke up in quite a funk this morning. I had laid in bed with my thoughts this morning for quite a long time before physically getting up. I so did not want to begin the day. When I finally did, I jumped into my e-mail. It honestly helped to clear my head. Funny how mundane tasks like that can help you overcome some kind of issue you may have.

I was quite irked with Woods last night. It all stemmed from some issues regarding misunderstood comments, cockblocking, and personal space. I see things a certain way, and obviously Woods views them another. I referred to the problem as being "big brother-ish". I was almost going to say "big daddy-ish", but I refrained from using such a cunty remark. I sometimes feel that I am constantly being watched, evaluated, and sized up. This is what I felt was the direct case last night.

See individualism is very important to me. As is a sense of freedom and personal expression. If I feel that is being compromised, then I have a tendency to rebel. I am not quite fond of anyone constantly being attached to my hip. Or vice versa. And variety is key. What I may like on one day, is not what I may like on another.

This has been an ongoing concern over the past few years. It has gotten to the point where I find myself making quite obvious attempts to separate myself from him at times. It can be quite hard when we are constantly together. I would say that the majority of my time is spent with him... say about 80%, and the time that I am in the vicinity of him is close to 100%. Even when I am not doing the same thing he is, he is the other room, next shower stall, next swimming lane, in the webcam room watching me, and so on. I guess you can say that I feel smothered.

I told him last night that it is my issue, and I'll drop it. To be honest, it is. Mainly because I haven't done anything about it. I have no friends in the local area other than Woods. And when I have made attempts they usually fall flat due to numerous reasons that could be reserved for another post. Yet another whiny post. Boo-hoo.

What I am saying is, for once I would like it to be just Whip. I know, how selfish. And yes I am. At the same time, I honestly do love my time with Woods. We are a perfect match. He is my number one. But regardless of that reason, I still need time that is not at the eyes of Woods. I am not sure he understands that. Not sure he ever will. All I can do is continue to work on the problem at hand, on my own identity, and make myself happy. I don't feel I need to work on my communication with Woods, or make him realize how important he is to me... he should know that by now.

What we both need to work on is finding our own distinctive entity because I am afraid that if this problem isn't resolved soon, then I will end up pushing him away. And that is not what I want.