Of The Same, But Oh So Different

I have come to the conclusion that I will probably never have the relationship I would like with my brother or my sister. I come from a different world than they do. Actually, that is how I feel about most of my family. I feel so alienated, but I do think that comes from years of being put on the side lines - which in turn has taught me a great deal about myself.

I feel that most of my family probably think I'm some kind of smug bastard because I left for California. I would gather they would feel I am trying to dissociate myself from them, and rightfully so. There is a certain portion of my entire family that I don't relate to, or have no desire to relate to. This mostly pertains to my father's side of the family - which I always felt to be much of an outcast as a kid. I still share that feeling as an adult.

But beyond all of that, the relationship (of lack thereof) that is strained the most seems to be the one with my younger brother - to which we will call RJ. I got my hopes up of a closer relationship at one point when my brother revealed something personal to me many years back. That excitement lasted only but a second as in typical "Lopez" fashion the reveal was taken aback. You can read between the lines there.

I know for a fact that I have the "older brother knows all syndrome" but at least I own up to it. Actually I've learned to own up to quite a bit. (sidenote: thank you Woods) I've also learned to speak my mind and stand up for myself. (sidenote: thank you Timofy) But my brother is younger, so he is still figuring his life out. Maybe that is why we don't relate so well.

I would very much like to have a friendly relationship with my siblings, but I don't want to feel that I am the only one making that kind of effort. I'm not into wasting my time with relationships so if they have no desire to go forth with it, then I would prefer for them to be honest with me so we will all know where we all stand. But I don't think they are ready for that. I guess I'm impatient. Damn that Sagittarius trait.

Oh well, I will cherish the day when I can see eye to eye with my brother and sister. But until that day comes, I will enjoy the "family" that I have created for myself because they mean the world to me.